A Lesson in Forgiveness Taught by a Teacup

This piece was originally published on The Good Men Project as A Lesson in Forgiveness Taught by a Teacup. A reoccurring lesson that I get to learn over and over again is this simplicity of forgiveness, and how long we prevent ourselves from letting go of something. The sort of forgiveness that I speak of in this piece is not the form that we so often think of when we discuss the concept. I speak of a greater form of forgiveness that is really more of a release. We release an action, a situation, a memory from ourselves completely. We no longer hold an attachment to something.  It’s as though it never existed in the first place, because in a sense, it kinda didn’t. Enjoy.

My first lesson in true forgiveness came at the cost of my favorite teacup. There on the kitchen floor, shattered and scattered, disparate and dissolved, was my Higher Power’s greatest gift –nothing. No anger, no pain, no frustration, no sense of loss or guilt could be found. Just this one simple thought remained: I should immediately stop washing the dishes and begin disposing of the jagged bits of pottery below me.

But I just stood there pondering how strange it was that I felt nothing, because I had only my memories to compare this situation to—only the many times I had broken something special to me and been enraged. I had so many questions: where is the deep sense of remorse and loss I should be feeling right now? That mug was special, right? That cup had a purpose, didn’t it? But there were no answers. I had clearly made a choice to react differently in this situation and this choice came surprisingly quickly, and most importantly, it came unconsciously.

Little did I know at the time but this simple act of forgiveness would begin a chain of events that would define the type of spiritual solution that I had been seeking all my life. It was the first step in many that would eventually lead me to A Course in Miracles and a complete redefining of what it meant to live in this world.

For years, I’d been looking for the power to manipulate the darkness in my mind; I desperately wanted a way to cease the deep depression and anxiety that plagued me, but I felt as though I had tried everything. Like so many of us, I just wanted to retain my grip on the light. I knew it had been possible for others, I just always assumed that, for me, this relief would come from an outside power. Believing I was an effect of this world, a victim, I thought my relief could only come from a change of fate or a divine intervention.

Standing above years of false assumptions and shattered pottery, I let it sink in that I was being exposed to a new truth. If I could choose to have an absent reaction to a broken cup, surely I could have a similar reaction to the bigger things too. From that day forward, I would return in my mind to this kitchen contemplation, when I was so precariously poised on the edge of walking on broken glass and becoming a more peaceful human being. Even more miraculous, was that when I genuinely practiced this form of peace and forgiveness, the severity of any one event over another was dampened. Broken china or a broken heart, power to choose between pain and forgiveness remained.

We are taught to believe that seething anger is justified, that revenge is deserved and that our passion and drive is a determinant of our level of success. Perhaps it is to some degree, but only because we have defined it to be so. We think that we can think ourselves out of anything, without stopping to think that we might have nowhere to think ourselves out of in the first place. We are searching for peace and meaning in the “big moments,” the milestones. The marriages, graduations, births and deaths, our only signifier that time is moving forward and that we are apparently moving towards something better. But what if we are wrong? What if underneath all the cognitive pain we are trying to escape from is the peace that many of us are seeking? Is it so malignant to believe that we might already be in heaven?

So next time you feel as though you are at the hands of a world that wants to punish you or that you are at the effect of someone else’s actions, ask yourself what it would be like in that moment to choose love instead of fear, anxiety, anger or sadness. Ask yourself, can I access a place of peace and inner guidance instead of being at the whim of the emotions that I think define me? Is it possible for peace to innately belong to me instead of believing it can only exist in an unattainable place outside of myself and far away? And just keep practicing. Because I assure you, it only gets easier. Life will start to get a little lighter every day, or at the very least… a lot less dark. You just might have to buy yourself a new teacup every once in a while.

New Path- New Journey

What a journey. I am seeing the world with new eyes. I's a beautiful world indeed. As I wake up each morning, I declare to the universe that I am a miracle. For indeed I am a miracle. Miracles happen every day if only we believe. The miracle of my life is finding myself; the God in me, the life in me. Each morning as I wake up, I imagine myself a changed man,  a brand new Victor. 

This is my journey-a journey towards achieving my full potentials. I am meant for greater things and each day is leading me to that destiny. The direction of my life has been clearer more than ever. The path is long yet each step I take is a closer to my destination.  I surrender my future in Him who knows what is outmost best.  For now,  I am basking in the wonder of my new found self. I have never felt more satisfied; more complete; more at peace with myself. The days are gone when my choices and decisions in life keep me deep into swamp of my selfishness. I am happy and grateful for the new path.

New directions have been presented and I grab the opportunities that come my way. New directions lead me to where I should be. New directions point me to finding and discovering myself. 

Start your journey with me;  let's travel to a better tomorrow. The journey starts today. You are the best;  I will see you on top of a success ladder, for its where you belong.

Visualize, Affirm and Take Action

There is a version of you out there that is extraordinarily happy. Now, imagine if it were only possible to jump between these realities. Imagine that you could go from living in the realm that you are currently living in and hopping over to a better, happier, healthier and more successful life. Now ask yourself why you can’t.

TJ Malamule and I used to go to our sacred space " the park" that was surrounded by nature, palm trees, grass,  yellow roses. We go there to visualize and talking about nothing else but what we desired to be in life, "Great Motivational Speakers", We will do this as often possible, sometimes we would talk to the early hours of the morning, captivated by dreams and destiny.

I remember one occasion vividly, we were laying down under the tree, intense and scorching sun rays finding its ways between the leaves, creating dramatic scene that enabled us to wide spread the wings of our imagination to the depth of possibilities. Along the path of possibility words faded, stillness overcame our space. In the flash of space and moment we stood up simultaneously and say "Yes,  we can do it"
Though we were silent;  but we  were conversing in the imaginary realm; we were agreeing and asserting our willingness to use all we have to impact,  inspire and motivate. Right there the dreams and visions we established and affirmed. It was like Jesus Christ scene when God said" This is my Son with Him I am well pleased". We didn't hear audible voice;  but we knew it that the creator was well pleased.

We never looked back, but to follow the vision impressed and engraved on us. Tirelessly working on the vision; Investing on the vision, polishing the vision,  expanding the vision. Everyday the vision is manifest in its own way,  everyday it grows and maturing to its own shape.

Time and again we sit for hours reflecting and reaffirm our willingness to expand and to unleash Uncapped Potentials within us; Painting a new picture, molding and reconstructing a new Path;  with the knowing that the universe is delightful and grateful. Our visualization takes us closer to our destiny- makes our heart desired comes true. 

“Everything you can imagine is real.” – Pablo Picasso

The God Particle. Whatever your belief, one thing that is clear is the power that our imagination holds. Personally, my theory is that each parallel reality is connected to every other reality and that we ourselves decide in large part which reality we are to exist in. The key is to visualize.

The skill of visualization has been endorsed by most of the greats as an essential tool for turning your dreams into your reality.I am sure that many of you have either read “The Secret” or watched the short film. Whether or not visualizing creates a sort of magnetic energy that attracts what you visualize is true, or whether or not my own theory is closer to the mark is of no importance. It would be great to know exactly why it is that visualization is as powerful a tool as it is — but what is more important is understanding that it is of benefit.

I mean, who really needs an explanation of how it works as long as it works, right? Even if only looking at it from a psychological standpoint, it is clear why the process of visualization has as profound an effect as it does.

“I’ve discovered that numerous peak performers use the skill of mental rehearsal of visualization. They mentally run through important events before they happen.” - Charles A. Garfield

Visualizing is a powerful tool because it creates for us a reality that is as real as it can be before becoming manifested in physical form. The mind is an extremely powerful machine; it is what creates our understanding of the world outside of us. We receive input from our senses, which in turn affect our psyche by stimulating reactions of different emotions and triggering memories, always drawing links from our past.The world that we know truly only exists in our minds. The physical world only exists to us as far as we can experience it. This is why visualization is so important. By visualizing, we experience events without them occurring anywhere other than in our minds. If we are able to focus on one single event that we wish for ourselves and we focus on it intensely, we begin to experience the emotions and begin to feel what we would feel if the event were to actually transpire. In a way, we are living that moment without it yet being a reality.

Like I said before, whether or not this somehow draws destiny to better align with your wants is up for debate. However, one thing that is for sure is that being able to visualize an alternate reality clearly gives you a taste of that reality’s actual flavor. If you are able to visualize details, all the way down to the smallest of them, and are able to imagine how it would feel to be living in that moment, you will get a somewhat accurate experience.This will work to your benefit in two major ways.

Firstly, you may come to realize — if you picture the alternate reality in a plausible form—that the life that you thought that you wanted for yourself won’t make you as happy as you first imagined. A realization of such is extremely important; sometimes figuring out what you don’t want is more important than figuring out what you do want.

Secondly, if your visualization produces positive emotions then — if the emotions are pleasant and intense enough — you may find yourself becoming obsessed with that possible reality.If you are true to yourself and visualize the future that is best for you, that future itself will ignite a drive within you that, if fed properly, will continue to burn until that dream is manifested. If you continue to go back to this state of almost trance visualizing your goal and placing yourself in your future shoes, you will begin to want nothing more than to turn that reality into physical reality. You will have to learn as much information as possible about the details and circumstance of your dream in order to create the best visual approximation and in order to mentally live the experience more fully. But once you create a full version of this reality in your mind, you will be living your dream before you even achieve it. With this reality being your only focus, you will almost automatically move towards that dream. You will begin living the life you want to live before living the life you want to live. There is no need to wait to reap the benefits of success. Sit down, close your eyes and visualize it. Do this often enough for long enough and one day you will open your eyes and come to realize that you are already living your dream.

On the 12th of April 2014 at 12:30pm I met TJ Malamule at Wimpy,  Sunnypark, Tswane (Pretoria); I was with my  3 years old son Andzani Chauke, a good listener,  I go with him in  most of my engagements. To cut the scene short;  TJ and I met for lunch,  without us knowing it was time for me leave,  4 hours later.

Surprisingly our imagination and desired dreams were intertwining and complementing each other;  we visualized and created scenes by words and affirmations. I was captivated by the detailed and emotional illustration that TJ portrayed,  he was swept by the  structured and concreate platform I have established. We gazed to each other with amazement and thrill of the glimpses we had of what the future holds. We rolled our sleeves and renewed our strength to build and extend the vision to another tangible realm.

" The best time to plant a tree is 20 years back;  and another time is now. .."

We know that when the harvest time comes,  we will reap what we have planted....As long as the earth endures, there will be seed time and harvest time....visualize

Think Big and Live Life to the Fullest

I just got home from a meeting at Midrand with a friend who's a fellow social figure and entrepreneur, Auriel Mathebula. We happily brainstormed ideas for a project that we're putting together, until suddenly everything shifted.

This shift began when I said "We have to give them an experience that will be professional, relevant and memorable."

"That's it!" my friend exclaimed. "We have to give them an experience that's guaranteed to change their lives forever. We either go big or go home"

Now we were excited. Now we had a vision. Now - we were finally thinking big. Our focus and energy shifted from conceiving something good to creating something great. When you have that kind of energy behind a project, idea, or dream, it changes everything, exploding your possibilities and dramatically increasing your probability of success.

"You will succeed at a level you didn't think was possible when you know what you stand for and you live it. You will be bold and extraordinary, just being you."

What do you stand for? What might you be known for, already? (Warning: it might not be a good thing!) Some example of things worth standing for include- love, freedom, respect, green living, possibility or happiness.

I stand for hope. I used to be anti-social, until I learned to think big and discovered that by being true to myself and pursuing my dreams, I could create a life that felt joyous and meaningful to me. Today I live to give people hope for a better experience of life, by teaching them how to improve their self-esteem and mental power, supporting them in living their dreams, and so on. I try to encourage and uplift people, everywhere I turn, and everywhere I stand, every time I open my mouth.

What would you love to stand for? How can you change your behaviour and choices based on that, now?

"People who play small think they have to do it all themselves. What about you? Are you ready to play bigger by truly collaborating with others? Or are you shut up in ‘silo thinking'? ‘Only I can get this right. I can't rely on anyone else.'"

Chip Wilson, founder of Lululemon, a billion-dollar company that makes gorgeous yoga-inspired active wear. He failed at his first attempt at building a great company because his "winning formula" was "Don't trust - Don't Delegate." When he built Lululemon, he recognized that if he wanted to attain greatness, he would have to follow a new formula: "Delegate and Trust."

I'm a perfectionist, and find it hard to let go of control. Yet I'm learning quickly that if I want to do great things on a big scale, I need the collaboration and support of great people. Great ideas can't be executed alone, at least not to their full potential.

"As much as we influence others, so are we at risk of catching others' values and actions, of coming under their influence. If we surround ourselves with small thinkers, we will think small...to let a sad thought or a bad one get into your mind is as dangerous as letting a scarlet fever germ get into your body."

Be careful who you share your big ideas or dreams with, and be careful who you allow to share their advice or opinions with you. Almost every great idea that has been conceived on this earth seemed outrageous or outright impossible at first. Seek the company, counsel and writings of those who have achieved big things and you will begin to see possibilities everywhere you turn.

"To work hard, which we'll need to do when we're thinking big, we must cultivate the warrior within us... we must train ourselves to be psychologically, intellectually and physically capable to withstand the hard work we'll need to do and yet still be able to relax into life, to find the levity, the fun, and stay foolish."

To do what you were meant to do here on this earth and live to your greatest potential - which for me means developing your talents and serving others while living absolutely on purpose - you need to be in the best shape possible. Nurture and jealously protect your physical, emotional, and spiritual health, as well as your happiness.

I know a successful management consultant and inspirational leader who asks herself before she does anything, including putting a bite of food in her mouth: "Will this serve the empire?" She doesn't mean "empire" from a wealth/power perspective - she's referring to the tangible good that she intends to do on a global scale. Whether your "empire" is your family home, or a sphere of influence that reaches to the ends of the earth, thinking big, standing for something meaningful, and taking exceptionally good care of yourself and your life will give you a sense of wellness and fulfillment far richer than any material riches this world can offer.

I want to end with a bold phrase that a fellow colleague Melusi Buthelezi send to me regarding thinking big In life, which was my fundamental inspiration for writing this blog“Think Big and Live Life to the Fullest” .

“To get beyond the challenges, get your mind above those challenges. Focus on the bigger picture. It’s all too easy to become obsessed with the problems at hand. Yet by choosing to rise above those problems, you can transform them into powerful opportunities. You are bigger and better than the difficult circumstances that surround you. Feel the immense power of your positive purpose, and make the commitment to make a real difference. Don’t be intimidated into dealing with life from a position of weakness.

Choose to see the bigger, better possibilities, and passionately work to bring them to life. Instead of getting mired in pettiness, get inspired by your own magnificent, positive vision of life at its highest level. Stop seeing your life as a struggle to escape the worst, and transform it into a quest to create and experience the best. You are far more capable, creative, joyful and effective than you’ve ever allowed yourself to be. See the bigger, better picture, and let your life express it fully. “

Happiness Simplify

Simple Steps To Enhance Your Happiness

We have all been hearing and reading so much about Happiness. How to find happiness? How to be Happy? This is not going to be one of those articles where I tell you how to find happiness… Why? Simply cause I believe happiness is within each and every one of us. We need not look for it elsewhere. We don’t need to search for happiness, because it can never be found!

How do you really find something that isnt lost in the first place?? Happiness can be self controlled and enhanced through certain practices. A large portion of being happy comes from our own power to change. Change is usually a good thing, especially, if you’re in a dormant not-going-anywhere kind of situation.

So today I will give you 5 simple steps/practices that will enhance and improve your happiness quotient:

1. Be Grateful:

Write letters of gratitude to people who have helped you in your life. Maybe it was something small or something big…but write that letter. Email or Text the gratitude note or letter. Its my guarantee, you will experience a lasting and increased sense of happiness. But you wont know till you try it!

2. Be Optimistic:

Everyday before you go to bed or while you meditate, visualize an ideal future for yourself. For example-living with a loving and supportive partner or finding a job that is fulfilling. You can visualize whatever you want and describe that vivid image in a journal entry. After doing this for a few days: one- the universe will start positively aligning things for you, two- you will have an increased feeling of well being.

3. Count Your Blessings:

Practice writing down three great things that have happened to you over the week. You might have met someone nice or might have bought something new. You being alive and breathing is a blessing too. You living and experiencing this wonderful life is a blessing too. Write it down and see the heightened state of euphoria you feel after you do. You will start noticing blessings you didn’t even know you already had!

4. You have strengths, Use them:

Take time to think about your strengths. You might be loving, giving, nurturing, helping, a good friend, a good person, a good host/hostess, great at your job, great with kids…the list is endless. Identify your strengths and then make use of these in your daily life. Everyday will become a blessing you will want to write about in your gratitude journal.

5. Commit acts of kindness:

Helping others also helps ourselves. Donate some time or money to charity. Better still be kind, help and assist people in need. Watching another person smile because of something you did, is the best feeling in the world! You will miraculously feel your worries vanishing, only to be replaced by a heightened soulful sense of happiness. Simple, isnt it?

Now go ahead and gently introduce these practices in your life. You deserve every ounce of happiness you can garner from this wonderful life.

Rosie Motene