A Lesson in Forgiveness Taught by a Teacup

This piece was originally published on The Good Men Project as A Lesson in Forgiveness Taught by a Teacup. A reoccurring lesson that I get to learn over and over again is this simplicity of forgiveness, and how long we prevent ourselves from letting go of something. The sort of forgiveness that I speak of in this piece is not the form that we so often think of when we discuss the concept. I speak of a greater form of forgiveness that is really more of a release. We release an action, a situation, a memory from ourselves completely. We no longer hold an attachment to something.  It’s as though it never existed in the first place, because in a sense, it kinda didn’t. Enjoy.

My first lesson in true forgiveness came at the cost of my favorite teacup. There on the kitchen floor, shattered and scattered, disparate and dissolved, was my Higher Power’s greatest gift –nothing. No anger, no pain, no frustration, no sense of loss or guilt could be found. Just this one simple thought remained: I should immediately stop washing the dishes and begin disposing of the jagged bits of pottery below me.

But I just stood there pondering how strange it was that I felt nothing, because I had only my memories to compare this situation to—only the many times I had broken something special to me and been enraged. I had so many questions: where is the deep sense of remorse and loss I should be feeling right now? That mug was special, right? That cup had a purpose, didn’t it? But there were no answers. I had clearly made a choice to react differently in this situation and this choice came surprisingly quickly, and most importantly, it came unconsciously.

Little did I know at the time but this simple act of forgiveness would begin a chain of events that would define the type of spiritual solution that I had been seeking all my life. It was the first step in many that would eventually lead me to A Course in Miracles and a complete redefining of what it meant to live in this world.

For years, I’d been looking for the power to manipulate the darkness in my mind; I desperately wanted a way to cease the deep depression and anxiety that plagued me, but I felt as though I had tried everything. Like so many of us, I just wanted to retain my grip on the light. I knew it had been possible for others, I just always assumed that, for me, this relief would come from an outside power. Believing I was an effect of this world, a victim, I thought my relief could only come from a change of fate or a divine intervention.

Standing above years of false assumptions and shattered pottery, I let it sink in that I was being exposed to a new truth. If I could choose to have an absent reaction to a broken cup, surely I could have a similar reaction to the bigger things too. From that day forward, I would return in my mind to this kitchen contemplation, when I was so precariously poised on the edge of walking on broken glass and becoming a more peaceful human being. Even more miraculous, was that when I genuinely practiced this form of peace and forgiveness, the severity of any one event over another was dampened. Broken china or a broken heart, power to choose between pain and forgiveness remained.

We are taught to believe that seething anger is justified, that revenge is deserved and that our passion and drive is a determinant of our level of success. Perhaps it is to some degree, but only because we have defined it to be so. We think that we can think ourselves out of anything, without stopping to think that we might have nowhere to think ourselves out of in the first place. We are searching for peace and meaning in the “big moments,” the milestones. The marriages, graduations, births and deaths, our only signifier that time is moving forward and that we are apparently moving towards something better. But what if we are wrong? What if underneath all the cognitive pain we are trying to escape from is the peace that many of us are seeking? Is it so malignant to believe that we might already be in heaven?

So next time you feel as though you are at the hands of a world that wants to punish you or that you are at the effect of someone else’s actions, ask yourself what it would be like in that moment to choose love instead of fear, anxiety, anger or sadness. Ask yourself, can I access a place of peace and inner guidance instead of being at the whim of the emotions that I think define me? Is it possible for peace to innately belong to me instead of believing it can only exist in an unattainable place outside of myself and far away? And just keep practicing. Because I assure you, it only gets easier. Life will start to get a little lighter every day, or at the very least… a lot less dark. You just might have to buy yourself a new teacup every once in a while.

New Path- New Journey

What a journey. I am seeing the world with new eyes. I's a beautiful world indeed. As I wake up each morning, I declare to the universe that I am a miracle. For indeed I am a miracle. Miracles happen every day if only we believe. The miracle of my life is finding myself; the God in me, the life in me. Each morning as I wake up, I imagine myself a changed man,  a brand new Victor. 

This is my journey-a journey towards achieving my full potentials. I am meant for greater things and each day is leading me to that destiny. The direction of my life has been clearer more than ever. The path is long yet each step I take is a closer to my destination.  I surrender my future in Him who knows what is outmost best.  For now,  I am basking in the wonder of my new found self. I have never felt more satisfied; more complete; more at peace with myself. The days are gone when my choices and decisions in life keep me deep into swamp of my selfishness. I am happy and grateful for the new path.

New directions have been presented and I grab the opportunities that come my way. New directions lead me to where I should be. New directions point me to finding and discovering myself. 

Start your journey with me;  let's travel to a better tomorrow. The journey starts today. You are the best;  I will see you on top of a success ladder, for its where you belong.

Visualize, Affirm and Take Action

There is a version of you out there that is extraordinarily happy. Now, imagine if it were only possible to jump between these realities. Imagine that you could go from living in the realm that you are currently living in and hopping over to a better, happier, healthier and more successful life. Now ask yourself why you can’t.

TJ Malamule and I used to go to our sacred space " the park" that was surrounded by nature, palm trees, grass,  yellow roses. We go there to visualize and talking about nothing else but what we desired to be in life, "Great Motivational Speakers", We will do this as often possible, sometimes we would talk to the early hours of the morning, captivated by dreams and destiny.

I remember one occasion vividly, we were laying down under the tree, intense and scorching sun rays finding its ways between the leaves, creating dramatic scene that enabled us to wide spread the wings of our imagination to the depth of possibilities. Along the path of possibility words faded, stillness overcame our space. In the flash of space and moment we stood up simultaneously and say "Yes,  we can do it"
Though we were silent;  but we  were conversing in the imaginary realm; we were agreeing and asserting our willingness to use all we have to impact,  inspire and motivate. Right there the dreams and visions we established and affirmed. It was like Jesus Christ scene when God said" This is my Son with Him I am well pleased". We didn't hear audible voice;  but we knew it that the creator was well pleased.

We never looked back, but to follow the vision impressed and engraved on us. Tirelessly working on the vision; Investing on the vision, polishing the vision,  expanding the vision. Everyday the vision is manifest in its own way,  everyday it grows and maturing to its own shape.

Time and again we sit for hours reflecting and reaffirm our willingness to expand and to unleash Uncapped Potentials within us; Painting a new picture, molding and reconstructing a new Path;  with the knowing that the universe is delightful and grateful. Our visualization takes us closer to our destiny- makes our heart desired comes true. 

“Everything you can imagine is real.” – Pablo Picasso

The God Particle. Whatever your belief, one thing that is clear is the power that our imagination holds. Personally, my theory is that each parallel reality is connected to every other reality and that we ourselves decide in large part which reality we are to exist in. The key is to visualize.

The skill of visualization has been endorsed by most of the greats as an essential tool for turning your dreams into your reality.I am sure that many of you have either read “The Secret” or watched the short film. Whether or not visualizing creates a sort of magnetic energy that attracts what you visualize is true, or whether or not my own theory is closer to the mark is of no importance. It would be great to know exactly why it is that visualization is as powerful a tool as it is — but what is more important is understanding that it is of benefit.

I mean, who really needs an explanation of how it works as long as it works, right? Even if only looking at it from a psychological standpoint, it is clear why the process of visualization has as profound an effect as it does.

“I’ve discovered that numerous peak performers use the skill of mental rehearsal of visualization. They mentally run through important events before they happen.” - Charles A. Garfield

Visualizing is a powerful tool because it creates for us a reality that is as real as it can be before becoming manifested in physical form. The mind is an extremely powerful machine; it is what creates our understanding of the world outside of us. We receive input from our senses, which in turn affect our psyche by stimulating reactions of different emotions and triggering memories, always drawing links from our past.The world that we know truly only exists in our minds. The physical world only exists to us as far as we can experience it. This is why visualization is so important. By visualizing, we experience events without them occurring anywhere other than in our minds. If we are able to focus on one single event that we wish for ourselves and we focus on it intensely, we begin to experience the emotions and begin to feel what we would feel if the event were to actually transpire. In a way, we are living that moment without it yet being a reality.

Like I said before, whether or not this somehow draws destiny to better align with your wants is up for debate. However, one thing that is for sure is that being able to visualize an alternate reality clearly gives you a taste of that reality’s actual flavor. If you are able to visualize details, all the way down to the smallest of them, and are able to imagine how it would feel to be living in that moment, you will get a somewhat accurate experience.This will work to your benefit in two major ways.

Firstly, you may come to realize — if you picture the alternate reality in a plausible form—that the life that you thought that you wanted for yourself won’t make you as happy as you first imagined. A realization of such is extremely important; sometimes figuring out what you don’t want is more important than figuring out what you do want.

Secondly, if your visualization produces positive emotions then — if the emotions are pleasant and intense enough — you may find yourself becoming obsessed with that possible reality.If you are true to yourself and visualize the future that is best for you, that future itself will ignite a drive within you that, if fed properly, will continue to burn until that dream is manifested. If you continue to go back to this state of almost trance visualizing your goal and placing yourself in your future shoes, you will begin to want nothing more than to turn that reality into physical reality. You will have to learn as much information as possible about the details and circumstance of your dream in order to create the best visual approximation and in order to mentally live the experience more fully. But once you create a full version of this reality in your mind, you will be living your dream before you even achieve it. With this reality being your only focus, you will almost automatically move towards that dream. You will begin living the life you want to live before living the life you want to live. There is no need to wait to reap the benefits of success. Sit down, close your eyes and visualize it. Do this often enough for long enough and one day you will open your eyes and come to realize that you are already living your dream.

On the 12th of April 2014 at 12:30pm I met TJ Malamule at Wimpy,  Sunnypark, Tswane (Pretoria); I was with my  3 years old son Andzani Chauke, a good listener,  I go with him in  most of my engagements. To cut the scene short;  TJ and I met for lunch,  without us knowing it was time for me leave,  4 hours later.

Surprisingly our imagination and desired dreams were intertwining and complementing each other;  we visualized and created scenes by words and affirmations. I was captivated by the detailed and emotional illustration that TJ portrayed,  he was swept by the  structured and concreate platform I have established. We gazed to each other with amazement and thrill of the glimpses we had of what the future holds. We rolled our sleeves and renewed our strength to build and extend the vision to another tangible realm.

" The best time to plant a tree is 20 years back;  and another time is now. .."

We know that when the harvest time comes,  we will reap what we have planted....As long as the earth endures, there will be seed time and harvest time....visualize

Think Big and Live Life to the Fullest

I just got home from a meeting at Midrand with a friend who's a fellow social figure and entrepreneur, Auriel Mathebula. We happily brainstormed ideas for a project that we're putting together, until suddenly everything shifted.

This shift began when I said "We have to give them an experience that will be professional, relevant and memorable."

"That's it!" my friend exclaimed. "We have to give them an experience that's guaranteed to change their lives forever. We either go big or go home"

Now we were excited. Now we had a vision. Now - we were finally thinking big. Our focus and energy shifted from conceiving something good to creating something great. When you have that kind of energy behind a project, idea, or dream, it changes everything, exploding your possibilities and dramatically increasing your probability of success.

"You will succeed at a level you didn't think was possible when you know what you stand for and you live it. You will be bold and extraordinary, just being you."

What do you stand for? What might you be known for, already? (Warning: it might not be a good thing!) Some example of things worth standing for include- love, freedom, respect, green living, possibility or happiness.

I stand for hope. I used to be anti-social, until I learned to think big and discovered that by being true to myself and pursuing my dreams, I could create a life that felt joyous and meaningful to me. Today I live to give people hope for a better experience of life, by teaching them how to improve their self-esteem and mental power, supporting them in living their dreams, and so on. I try to encourage and uplift people, everywhere I turn, and everywhere I stand, every time I open my mouth.

What would you love to stand for? How can you change your behaviour and choices based on that, now?

"People who play small think they have to do it all themselves. What about you? Are you ready to play bigger by truly collaborating with others? Or are you shut up in ‘silo thinking'? ‘Only I can get this right. I can't rely on anyone else.'"

Chip Wilson, founder of Lululemon, a billion-dollar company that makes gorgeous yoga-inspired active wear. He failed at his first attempt at building a great company because his "winning formula" was "Don't trust - Don't Delegate." When he built Lululemon, he recognized that if he wanted to attain greatness, he would have to follow a new formula: "Delegate and Trust."

I'm a perfectionist, and find it hard to let go of control. Yet I'm learning quickly that if I want to do great things on a big scale, I need the collaboration and support of great people. Great ideas can't be executed alone, at least not to their full potential.

"As much as we influence others, so are we at risk of catching others' values and actions, of coming under their influence. If we surround ourselves with small thinkers, we will think small...to let a sad thought or a bad one get into your mind is as dangerous as letting a scarlet fever germ get into your body."

Be careful who you share your big ideas or dreams with, and be careful who you allow to share their advice or opinions with you. Almost every great idea that has been conceived on this earth seemed outrageous or outright impossible at first. Seek the company, counsel and writings of those who have achieved big things and you will begin to see possibilities everywhere you turn.

"To work hard, which we'll need to do when we're thinking big, we must cultivate the warrior within us... we must train ourselves to be psychologically, intellectually and physically capable to withstand the hard work we'll need to do and yet still be able to relax into life, to find the levity, the fun, and stay foolish."

To do what you were meant to do here on this earth and live to your greatest potential - which for me means developing your talents and serving others while living absolutely on purpose - you need to be in the best shape possible. Nurture and jealously protect your physical, emotional, and spiritual health, as well as your happiness.

I know a successful management consultant and inspirational leader who asks herself before she does anything, including putting a bite of food in her mouth: "Will this serve the empire?" She doesn't mean "empire" from a wealth/power perspective - she's referring to the tangible good that she intends to do on a global scale. Whether your "empire" is your family home, or a sphere of influence that reaches to the ends of the earth, thinking big, standing for something meaningful, and taking exceptionally good care of yourself and your life will give you a sense of wellness and fulfillment far richer than any material riches this world can offer.

I want to end with a bold phrase that a fellow colleague Melusi Buthelezi send to me regarding thinking big In life, which was my fundamental inspiration for writing this blog“Think Big and Live Life to the Fullest” .

“To get beyond the challenges, get your mind above those challenges. Focus on the bigger picture. It’s all too easy to become obsessed with the problems at hand. Yet by choosing to rise above those problems, you can transform them into powerful opportunities. You are bigger and better than the difficult circumstances that surround you. Feel the immense power of your positive purpose, and make the commitment to make a real difference. Don’t be intimidated into dealing with life from a position of weakness.

Choose to see the bigger, better possibilities, and passionately work to bring them to life. Instead of getting mired in pettiness, get inspired by your own magnificent, positive vision of life at its highest level. Stop seeing your life as a struggle to escape the worst, and transform it into a quest to create and experience the best. You are far more capable, creative, joyful and effective than you’ve ever allowed yourself to be. See the bigger, better picture, and let your life express it fully. “

Happiness Simplify

Simple Steps To Enhance Your Happiness

We have all been hearing and reading so much about Happiness. How to find happiness? How to be Happy? This is not going to be one of those articles where I tell you how to find happiness… Why? Simply cause I believe happiness is within each and every one of us. We need not look for it elsewhere. We don’t need to search for happiness, because it can never be found!

How do you really find something that isnt lost in the first place?? Happiness can be self controlled and enhanced through certain practices. A large portion of being happy comes from our own power to change. Change is usually a good thing, especially, if you’re in a dormant not-going-anywhere kind of situation.

So today I will give you 5 simple steps/practices that will enhance and improve your happiness quotient:

1. Be Grateful:

Write letters of gratitude to people who have helped you in your life. Maybe it was something small or something big…but write that letter. Email or Text the gratitude note or letter. Its my guarantee, you will experience a lasting and increased sense of happiness. But you wont know till you try it!

2. Be Optimistic:

Everyday before you go to bed or while you meditate, visualize an ideal future for yourself. For example-living with a loving and supportive partner or finding a job that is fulfilling. You can visualize whatever you want and describe that vivid image in a journal entry. After doing this for a few days: one- the universe will start positively aligning things for you, two- you will have an increased feeling of well being.

3. Count Your Blessings:

Practice writing down three great things that have happened to you over the week. You might have met someone nice or might have bought something new. You being alive and breathing is a blessing too. You living and experiencing this wonderful life is a blessing too. Write it down and see the heightened state of euphoria you feel after you do. You will start noticing blessings you didn’t even know you already had!

4. You have strengths, Use them:

Take time to think about your strengths. You might be loving, giving, nurturing, helping, a good friend, a good person, a good host/hostess, great at your job, great with kids…the list is endless. Identify your strengths and then make use of these in your daily life. Everyday will become a blessing you will want to write about in your gratitude journal.

5. Commit acts of kindness:

Helping others also helps ourselves. Donate some time or money to charity. Better still be kind, help and assist people in need. Watching another person smile because of something you did, is the best feeling in the world! You will miraculously feel your worries vanishing, only to be replaced by a heightened soulful sense of happiness. Simple, isnt it?

Now go ahead and gently introduce these practices in your life. You deserve every ounce of happiness you can garner from this wonderful life.

Rosie Motene

One More Time

How to Give Yourself a Second Chance

Tragedy happens. A relationship ends. A child dies. A drunk driver kills. A job is lost. A new business closes. It hurts. Life is difficult.Why not quit? Why try again? Because you can. No matter how difficult life becomes, always remember it’s never too late to try again. You can choose differently. You have that option.

Shift your perception

When you experience loss or failure it’s natural and good, to grieve.  Take the time you need to be sad, cry, feel your pain. When you’re finished grieving it’s time to shift your perception and make a plan to begin again. Every ending leads to a new beginning

Start small. 

If you are overwhelmed, start with one small step, today. Dr. Martin Luther King advised, "Take the first step in faith." If you lost a job, update your resume. If you've ended a relationship, let go of the pain, if you have bad health, see a doctor.Change the things you can. What is the first thing that comes to mind? Yes, that’s exactly where you need to begin.  How can you do things differently?

Change your routine.

Change your eating habits. Join a support group. Hire a coach. Make that phone call. Become who you are. 

Start with a clean slate.

Let go of anything that is no longer working in your life. Live your values. Do life your way. Stop seeking approval from others.

Focus

With your goal in mind, write down your three most important tasks every day. Put  all of your focus on these three things. When you are finished, do it again.

Embrace opportunity

Believe in possibilities. Keep an open mind. Practice saying “yes.” There has never been a better time to be alive.

Journal. 

Express your strong feelings, change your thinking, develop clarity, and come to new conclusions. Find a role model. Find others who have been through difficult times and have came out ahead. Model their behavior. Listen to podcasts, read books, find stories of others who have gone on to succeed.

Forgive yourself and others

Nobody is perfect. All things come to an end. Don’t compare your circumstances to others. Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t beat others up. Use your energy to move on to new opportunities and better things.

Have a positive attitude

Read The Diary of Anne Frank or Mans Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl. We can't control life. We can't prevent bad things from happening. Our power comes from how we react to what happens.  

You are worthy

Believe you are worthy and powerful. Listen to your heart. Open yourself to guidance, trust, and unconditional love, and acceptance.New doors open in times of loss, crisis, and tragedy. In moments of darkness, remember that not only will the sun shine again, it will shine even brighter than before.There's a crack in everything. That's how the  light gets in.~Leonard Cohen

Are you willing to give yourself a second chance?   

Expect the Unexpected

Have No Expectations Just See Where Life Takes You

“The best things in life are unexpected – because there were no expectations.”- Eli Khamarov

Expect The Unexpected

Sit down, grab a cup of tea, because you’re in for a treat, this article is going to be amazing. Wow, what a great way to start an article, right?…Did I already give you an initial expectation?

Life is full of many ups and downs, moments of inconceivable joy, tremendous suffering, utter boredom, yet in the end it is all part of a beautiful ride.We are blessed to have a conscious mind, but it has also been one of our greatest enemies. Because the way in which our minds are hard-wired, we perceive the world in a way that keeps us from actually experiencing it in its totality.Our minds function through memory, from logic, and even if we are crazy, the way in which we think may still seem logical to us.We all live with a little sensor that resides inside us, that is constantly comparing every little thing, and this comparing inevitably leads us to have many expectations

What is an expectation?

An expectation is a logical or not so logical way in which we want the events of our lives to unfold, how we think things should be, because of the experiences we have had in the past. You look out into the world through filters influenced from the millions of impressions you have accumulated, all safely tucked away in your brain.

How often does life go according to our expectations?

Having expectations automatically makes something in your mind a destination, which is not real. Your mind becomes closed and functions on conclusions, then you cease to really learn about anything. But through “will” power and a lot of unnecessary effort, many of us achieve some of our expectations.This on the surface may seem great, but all I am asking, is this really the most joyous way to live our lives?

Are expectations necessary?

Shouldn’t life be lived simply and not made extraordinarily complicated? How do we even live a life without expectations? I think the first step is to become aware of your inner censor. The little voice inside you, that automatically begins to evaluate and compare any situation against the backdrop of your beliefs. Then based on your evaluation, which is always incomplete, you will proceed with some type of action or non-action which is still a form of action. Once you see this little voice in operation, become aware of it, remain a passive unattached witness to it. See that this may not necessarily be the best way for you to respond to a situation. Don’t become identified to that little voice. Learning to constantly question your little inner voice automatically creates inner space for you to freely observe your thinking processes.It’s easy to initially decide to witness your mind, but it is extremely difficult to remain unidentified. If I ask you to do it now, to take a minute to watch your mind, passively, unattached, yet very attentive, you can do it for a short while, but how long can you remain in this attentive state?….This will show you that we are never really awake during the day, because the majority of our time is spent inattentively.This is why things just happen in our lives, we really don’t “do” anything. We make a strong determined resolution to do something, then soon become inattentive, and things just happen, then we rationalize why things did not work out the way we expected them to.

Go With The Flow of Life

“I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path.”- Dalai Lama

If you are able to remain unidentified, switch your awareness to your body and all the subtle non verbal communication that it gives you. This is an intelligence that does not function from memory, therefore has no expectations about the future, it is here and now, and will give you direction in your life.Sure many times these signals may seem illogical, but you have to remember that this is life’s very nature. Dropping your expectations and going with the flow will allow you to be in harmony with existence, even if it seems irrational and crazy.Life unfolds in miraculous ways the moment you embrace it, you expect the unexpected unexpectedly. Every day is an opportunity to learn something new. But for many of us to make this jump requires that we really get in tune with the different aspects of our being. Our organism has been corrupted, become extremely dull, and not functioning in tip top shape.You need to learn to let your mind do its job of sane rational thinking, your hearts job of feeling, without letting them mix into each other and become corrupted. You need to learn to not express and become identified with negative emotions. You will see why if you really try, yet this is the most difficult thing to put into practice. Make sure you take great care of your body so that it is sensitive, then its intuitive and instinctual perceptions are allowed to function.When you are in harmony, you are able to let go of your expectations of how life should be, and be fully available to what life actually is. See where life takes you. Enjoy the ride.Sure it makes logical sense to make definite and specific plans and to achieve those plans, but for me life has always been more fulfilling when it is approached with no previous expectations. Just having a curious attitude, like that of a child filled with eyes of wonder, wanting to explore a world that is unknown to him.You live life instead of thinking about how to live.

Managing Your Expectations and of Others

Managing Your Expectations Is The Key To Hapiness

From the moment we enter this world, the way we live our lives is influenced by the expectations of others.Our parents (who love us, feed us and give us a warm, safe place to sleep) expect that we will bring them a lot of joy. That’s pretty reasonable so we do things to make them proud of us. These things can range from having good manners to going to the university they never had the chance to attend.

At school we might have a teacher who sees a special talent in us and spends extra time encouraging us to develop that talent. So we make sure to do something with that talent whether it be trying out for the cross-country team or entering an art competition.

At work we might have an amazing mentor who’s spent hours of their time giving us advice and guidance. That mentor has expectations too. She might consider us her protégé and envision us following her footsteps down a particular career path.

Expectations are pretty powerful things. And often they are good things – for instance they usually force us to lift our game and perform at a higher level.But …

Find me a person who is unhappy with their life and I will show you someone living a life driven by the expectations of others.That’s the person who ends up going to university because it’s all their mum ever wanted them to do. Even though all they ever wanted to do was get an apprenticeship and pursue a trade.It’s the person for whom art is a relaxing hobby; who hates entering competitions because it really stresses them out. Yet they find themselves applying for a bunch of awards simply to please the teacher who is captivated by their talent.It’s all the people in the world who have found themselves heading down a career path that puts a smile on their mentors’ faces, but not their own.

Rachel McDonald (life coach and blog coach) highlights the major problem for all these people:Squeezing into a box of Someone Else’s Expectations almost always leaves us depleted. We suppress our (truest) desires. We dilute our potential. We seek relentlessly – searching for fulfilment, validation and that spark we’ve seen in others, and want for ourselves.

But is it selfish to ignore the expectations of others and pursue the life you want?

Let’s say you’ve just had a light-bulb moment.You’ve realised you’re unhappy because you’re living the life other people want you to live. What now? Well the next step is to tackle the voice in your head that screams SELFISH!

Kirri White, a Brisbane based life coach says:Choosing to be true to yourself and your own desires, in a world that is doing its best to make you everything but yourself, is not selfish.It actually takes a whole heap of courage! If you want to be a better human being, don’t concern yourself too much with what others have told you.  Look into yourself and ask who you would be. What virtues do you feel compelled to share with the world?  What do you value?  What do you want to create?

Rose Wintergreen (who is also a social media coach for creatives) embodies Kirri’s advice. She decided what she wanted to share with the world and went out and did it. Rose says: I’ve tried living up to (what I thought were) other people’s expectations.I knew since primary school that I needed to make music and be an artist in some way. Yet, straight out of school, I chose ‘sensible’ pathways because I felt others believed it was irresponsible to choose to pursue anything creative (ie choosing a creative career would mean choosing to starve.) I spent years studying and working in areas I found interesting but wasn’t passionate about. I was desperately unhappy (several bouts of depression) and hard work to be around. In 2006 I made the very hard decision to switch to what I always knew I wanted to be doing. I won’t say it’s been easy, but I’ve been much more positive. I have lots more energy and am inspired and excited by life and my work. As a result, I think I am more fun to be around and I am more open, loving and generous with the people in my life (whether it be family, friends, or new contacts).

There’s no doubt we’re hard-wired to please, but when you’re showing up and living a life designed by you, you’re modelling happiness, authenticity and passion for others.So hopefully by now we’ve decided it’s not selfish to chase your dreams and live a life that makes you smile.

We all have expectations in our lives: what we want out of life and who we want to become. I believe one of the keys to happiness lies within the management of your expectations of people and circumstances. If you do not have expectations, you can never be disappointed. Often we tend to believe that the way we treat others will be the way we are treated in return. But, unfortunately, this does not always happen.You need to make sure you enter into relationships with someone who has as big of a heart as you do. If you do not, you may feel as if you are being taken advantage of or are being shortchanged. You need to find people who appreciate what you do for them and who will reciprocate these actions.

“There are two ways to be happy: improve your reality or lower your expectations.

”Having realistic expectations will allow you to accept the flaws each person has. We need to learn how to take responsibility for our own lives and our own decisions before we can expect others to do the same.One of the biggest challenges we face in life is learning to accept people for who they truly are. Once you realize that your expectations cannot change people, the better off you will be. The problem will arise when the expectations do not materialize. If you find that you are going out of your way much more than the people you surround yourself with, it may be time to find a new group of friends.“Give without expectation, accept without reservation, and love with hesitation.

”Unrealistic expectations will, can, and most often do lead to disappointment. Too many people are obsessed with finding the perfect career or the perfect spouse, and as a result become increasingly frustrated when this does not pan out.An unfortunate pitfall of having high expectations in certain circumstances is that we prevent ourselves from enjoying the experience altogether. If you feel this way in your life, you need to readjust your expectations. Do not expect things out of situations, just go into them with an open mind. This will allow you to fully immerse yourself without the pressure of living up to preconceived notions.When you have unrealistic notions for people, you place yourself at a high risk of getting disappointed and hurt. Maybe someone did let you down in certain aspects, but isn’t it inherently unfair to have these people on such a pedestal? By maintaining an accurate awareness of your own realities, you become able to determine what is truly expected from others.

“Expect the unexpected, believe in the unbelievable, and achieve the unachievable.”Such disappointment can lead to several outcomes, including trying to get this person to change and an increased anger toward the person who is causing the disappointment. This becomes problematic since the fault lies with you for putting such pressure on this person.There is a paradoxical issue when it comes to this. If you have high expectations, you can often end up disappointed, but if you don’t have these expectations, you may not try as hard as you could in order to accomplish a goal. These tendencies can turn people into perfectionists, which is far from a healthy lifestyle.

“Expectation is the root of all heartache.”Expect what you can, reach and be aware of the fact that sometimes life throws you a curve ball. Try to remain confident while maintaining positive aspirations; just remember not to make these aspirations so high that they are impractical or unreachable.Acceptance is an amazing trait that needs to be actively worked toward. When things do not work out the way we had planned, it is much more beneficial to realize that is how life works rather than becoming frustrated at the situation.

Have hope rather than expectations and you will tend not to be as disappointed.

Live Your Life Out Loud

“If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I will tell you, I came to live out LOUD.” ~Émile Zola

1. Live your life on purpose.

Not on “default.” Be Proactive. Make conscious and deliberate choices. When you don’t choose, circumstances choose for you and you are never leading: you are following or catching up—or worse, living in “default” mode.

2. Utilize your full potential.

Give what you’re doing your best and fullest attention. Be here now. Even if you’re not where you want to be, giving it half your effort doesn’t move you forward. Master what you have at hand, for the sake of mastering it, and something will shift.

3. Overcome your fear.

Get out of your comfort zone. Find out you have a pulse. Let something give you butterflies in your stomach. This is how you know you’re alive—how you grow into something new. Every fear overcome is a freedom gained. Don’t know how to overcome fear? Do the thing you’re afraid of. Cross them off the list. Make it a game. Pretty soon, you will be invincible.

4. Discover a new talent.

One of my favorite quotes by Martha Grimes is, “We don’t know who we are until we see what we can do.” But we don’t find this out until we try something new.Learn a new instrument, take an art class, play with a digital camera, take up cooking, plant a garden, join toastmasters, pick up a needle and thread, try mountain climbing or camping. Find something that interests you and explore it. You never know what will come out of it.

5. Honor your word.

When you strip everything else away, your word is all you’ve got. Do what you say you’re going to do. By honoring your word, you honor yourself. And it doesn’t feel good when you don’t. So, make it a habit. Value your integrity and keep your promises. It’s a good life practice. It’s a good business practice.

6. Create a new habit or break an old one.

Who has dominion over your life—you or your habits? Make it a game. How many things can you get under your control? How many bad habits can you convert? There is a great sense of empowerment when you feel you are in charge of your life. This helps you get there.

7. Pay a stranger a compliment.

Not only does it make someone else feel good, but it makes you feel good to compliment someone else. All of the sudden the world is small and the stranger next to us becomes our friend and we recognize that we’re all in this together.

8. Take yourself out on a date.

Treat yourself. Bring a book. Bring something you’re working on. Bring a journal and use it to write up all the amazing qualities that you want in a partner or a friendship when it comes your way. Find somewhere that has music or wireless and plant yourself there.Have a meal, enjoy it. Treat yourself. You deserve it. Living out loud is playing out loud whether you have someone to join you or not. And you never know who you might meet or strike up a conversation with.

9. Take 100% responsibility for your life.

If things aren’t working out in your favor, take note and ask yourself what your part in it is. Being a victim is passé, boring. There is no power in blaming other people. Don’t wait for other people to change. When you change, your world will follow suit.

10. Live in the question.

There is nothing you cannot be, do, or have, so do not impose limitations on yourself. Instead of saying you can’t get there, ask “How can I get there?” Live in the affirmation of possibility rather than the declaration of negativity.There is always a way, and it is being presented consistently, but you have to live in the question to be on the lookout for the answer.

11. Make more decisions for yourself.

There is great power in making a decision. It’s a declaration. You don’t know what you want? Then look at what you don’t want and work backward. I bet you do know what you want; you just haven’t been in the habit of asking yourself. Hey. That’s a new habit to change! (See #6)

12. Learn to say “No.”

To live your best possible life, you need to learn how to say no to the things that aren’t serving you. The best barometer to measure this by is: if it isn’t a “hell yeah” (yippee, so fun, can’t wait!), then it is most probably a no. If you have to talk yourself into it, it’s a no.Once you get comfortable saying no, everything becomes a matter of choice. Living a life of choice is a living a life of freedom.

13. Know your own value.

Others may be more educated, skilled, or talented in one or another area, but there is something magnificent and valuable about what you have to offer this world that, in comparison, is equal.Do not allow yourself or anyone else to diminish it. You have a learning disability? So did Dr. John Demartini, and that’s what makes him the most powerful speaker today. Joe Vitale came from homelessness. Look at him now. Stop idolizing anyone else’s gifts and dismissing your own.

14. Give yourself permission.

For everything. Permission to make mistakes. Permission to shine. Permission to look beautiful. Permission to accept (instead of correct or dismiss) praise. Permission to have bad days. Permission to get angry. Permission to cry, to laugh, to scream. Permission to take the day off. Permission to take a nap, go to sleep early. Permission to get a massage. Permission to do nothing. Permission to succeed.Life is about being here now, in all your full range of emotions, mood swings, wins and losses. Give yourself permission to live out loud today.

15. Own your own opinion.

No one has to agree with you in order for your opinion to matter. Stop waiting for consensus. You matter. Your opinion matters. The nature of living out loud is that some people will agree with you and some people won’t. You will never get consensus. So, stop looking for it.The only question you have to ask is, does your opinion matter to you? Claim it. Own it. And know that with new information, it could change tomorrow. Life is transitory. Live in the evolution.

16. Do not punish yourself for past actions.

Your past behavior was what you’ve done, but it is not who you are. Who you are is still unfolding. Mistakes, errors in judgments, and failures all add to our character and value. They make us human and compassionate and wise. To berate yourself for acquiring these valuable qualities is wrong, so stop it. A new beginning starts today.

17. Live in the realm of “possibility” rather than “probability.”

Stay open at the top. You don’t know what the outcome can be. Statistics are made up of groups. You are an individual. Be the individual that charts your own course. You don’t know what is possible for you until you find out.

18. Do not argue for your limitations, but instead focus on your strengths.

We all have weaknesses, but we also have our strengths. What do you do well? Practice that. When you lead with your strengths, the rest follows suit. And miraculously, your limitations sort of disappear. What you focus on grows.

19. Practice gratitude.

In a world of imperfections, it’s amazing how perfect things actually are. But sometimes we have to look for them. When your life’s circumstances aren’t working in your favor, the one thing you do have control over is your attitude. If you lead with gratitude and create a habit of it, in short order, your life will change.

20. Be authentic.

Thoreau said, “If I am not I, who will be?” Did you ever notice that the ones who are most successful are not the ones that follow the masses and trends, but the ones who stand in their own authentic expression and declare who they are? Regardless of who agrees with them? There is an expression that is uniquely yours and to dismiss it, is to dismiss the divine.

21. Own your own power.

The answers are not outside of you. Own what you know. The more you practice this, the more you hone the powerful magnetic field that surrounds you and the more power you emit in your convictions, knowing, and in your life. Your results will confirm this.

22. Stop Complaining.

Complaining is a form of passive victimhood. Ask yourself instead, why is this happening to me and what part do I play in this picture? Then work on your part of the solution.Have you ever found yourself not setting a boundary and allowing someone to take advantage of you? Or not taking care of yourself in a situation and getting burned by the outcome? We are always the single common denominators in our lives and we are the only ones we have control over.Use what you are complaining about as your inner clues as to where you need to start taking better care of yourself.

23. Practice “being” and have nothing to prove.

Know your own value with or without results. Your value is in your human being-ness not your human doing-ness. In a society that is wrapped up in image, this is sometimes difficult to practice. People ask what you do, not who you are. But a person who knows their own value, does not have to prove it.

24. Be of service.

Offer your help where you can and do your part in making the world a friendly place. We are all in this together. As Gandhi preached, be the change that you wish to see happen. You would be surprised by the impact you have.

25. Love generously.

Spread random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty. Hatred is already rampant. We need to tip the scales the other way. Love is a far more powerful emotion and has far reaching consequences. Living out loud means loving Out loud. And ironically, the more you love, the more love you have to give.

26. Find your bliss and live your passion.

Again, don’t know what that is? Then it’s time to find out! Your emotions give away clues. When your life has spun out of control and you are finding yourself in a tizzy, go back to what makes you happiest and do that.The more you follow this thread, the more you are leading with the heart. There are always ways to monetize your passion, to find ways to make a living at what you love, but first you have to discover it. Your emotions don’t lie. Follow their lead.

27. Stop waiting.

Life is happening right now. Don’t wait for the right career, the perfect relationship, or the landfill of money. Make the best of what you have right now and be creative with it. Don’t put your life on pause. Live with the possibility that what you are waiting for can arrive tomorrow, and live your best lifetoday.

28. Let other people off the hook.

They didn’t mean harm and even if they did, it hurt them more than it hurt you. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and rise even taller. Don’t use anyone as your excuse to shirk your responsibility to live a bigger life.Victimhood is not a badge of honor. Overcoming adversity is. Use success and joy as your barometer. And march on.

29. Use co-creation to help you.

We are always working in conjunction with invisible forces. They want to create on your behalf, but they are waiting for your leadership to direct them. Living out loud means acknowledging that we are a big presence with a big force of nature at our disposal. We don’t underestimate our power. We utilize it.

30. March to the beat of your own drum and stay the course.

Do you hear your own music, but find yourself dancing to the tune of someone else’s beat? Stop it. Were you told at any point in your life that your own music was the wrong kind? Re-Consider.The symphony of the world’s vibration, the hum of its tune, is the sound OM (aum). Your task is to find your own Om—your life force vibration, life pattern or purpose, your song or melody. Find it, claim it, express it, and live it. Never give up on yourself. You are who you are. It’s time to honor that and make use of it. Stay the course.For many of us this is already a way of life. But to others, some of these practices may feel daunting. To you, I say this: just start. You may not succed 100 percent of the time, but like a friend once said, “Life is a hard hat zone, we’re always under construction.”Bloom where you are planted. Work from the inside out. Make the commitment to yourself and get started.Find your “OM.” Claim It. Own it. Express It. Live it. You are divinely supported.

The Moment You Wake Up

Questions You Should Be Asking Yourself The Moment You Wake Up

The alarm goes off and our first thoughts are negative; waking up is a chore. Instead of angrily kicking off our sheets or pressing the snooze button for the fourth time, we need to reassess our attitudes in the first minutes of our days.

We need to wake up with more proactive mindsets. These are the five questions you should be asking yourself the moment you open your eyes:

1. What Am I Grateful For Today? 

Instead of getting up every morning and first thinking about what you want — breakfast, coffee, another 10 minutes of sleep — think about what it is that you are grateful for. It’s a trap that most people fall for — a thought pattern that in the end causes more damage than it does good. There is a huge downside to consistently focusing on what it is that you want: by focusing on what you want you are unwittingly and regularly emphasizing all that you believe that you are missing from your life.

If you want a nice car then you must not have one. If you want a girlfriend then you must be lonely. If you want to lose weight then you must be fat. If you have wants then you must be missing something. If the things that you want you believe to be necessary for your happiness, then you must not be happy at the moment. If you need something then you are lacking something; if you are lacking something that you believe will make you happy, that must mean that you are currently unhappy — otherwise you wouldn’t be in need of anything.

The truth is that most of us don’t actually “need” anything more than what we have. Most of us want a lot, but the things that we want aren’t things that we must have in order to be happy; they are things that we believe would make our lives better. But why do we believe that we must always be making our lives better?

When is it enough? Is there a point at which we can say that what we have is enough, and that we no longer want anything that we already do not have? Or is it against our nature to not want? Nature doesn’t have anything to do with it. It’s not in our nature to feel this constant starvation for the material; we are not programmed by nature to over consume, but to satisfy. Our need to constantly consume is the result of the constant marketing campaigns we are exposed to by consumerism — the theory that an increased consumption of goods is desirable.

Start each day thinking about what you have that already makes you happy. There is always something to be happy about because happiness itself is a concept that only exists in juxtaposition; no matter how bad your situation, there is always something to find comfort in. Wake up and take a look around you. You most likely have a comfortable bed to sleep in.

You made it through the night alive. You have both of your legs to stand on. You more than likely have a lot more to be happy about than you have to complain about. This is the case for most of us, yet we will make sure that we spend as much time as possible dwelling on all the negative instead. Why focus on the negative and make yourself feel bad when you can remind yourself about all that is awesome and literally feel better about yourself and about the day ahead of you? Focus on the positive in your life each morning and do your best to keep that mindset throughout your day.

2. How Will I Make Certain That I Will Remain In The Moment?

There are essentially two realities to our existence — the outside and the inside, the physical and the mental. Our senses are exposed to the reality that exists outside our minds, a reality that competes for attention with all the thoughts and states that have an existence only within the confines of our consciousness. While philosophers for a long period of time have endorsed introspection and the importance of exploring one’s own mind, it now feels that many of us are losing touch with the outside world.

We spend a lot of time on the Internet, we spend a lot of time playing videogames or apps, we spend a whole lot of time working and solving problems, we spend a lot of time thinking about our lives, our wants, our dreams and hopes. We spend a lot of time thinking, inspecting and contemplating.

Each of us will have this issue to a different extent. There are many of us that are more naturally inclined to live in the physical realm rather than the mental. The problem is that the more intelligent a person is, the higher their IQ or their ability to process information, the less time they will spend interacting with the outside world.

This is a huge problem because the outside world is just as important, if not more important than the worlds that exist exclusively inside our heads. The world that you create for yourself in your mind does reflect upon the outside world, however, your interaction and the happenings in the physical world will also greatly affect your mental take on reality. The important thing to remember is that when people say that they feel alive, they are referring to physical action.

Doing your best to focus on the moment will help you feel like you’re living. No one has ever said that they felt “so alive” after spending 10 years solving a previously believed unsolvable math theory. When you wake up, take in your surroundings. Come to realize that you are lying in your bed — how does it feel? How do the sheets feel against your skin? The pillow underneath your head? How does the floor feel under your feet? How does the chair feel against your back?

Focus on your physical reality first when you wake up and it will be easier to return to this reality throughout your day. If you avoid the physical world, physical exertion, and physical awareness then you will go through life without ever physically feeling alive.

3. What Is My Focus Of The Day?

There are only two things that you should be doing in life: either improving yourself or enjoying yourself. Human beings, due to their powerful brains, have the ability to grow as individuals — a concept that doesn’t really exist among any other animal in the animal kingdom. We have the ability to establish beliefs about the world and then alter them because experience or contemplation has moved us to reconsider these beliefs. Because of our need for progress, developing as an individual plays a strong role in the process of becoming one’s own definition of successful.

We are competitive — just as are all the other living creatures that exist. Although I just mentioned the danger in always looking forward to your next craving that needs satiating, the truth is that there is likely to always be something that we want. We may understand that we don’t need anything additional in order to be happy, but that will never change the fact that as human beings we are programmed to always be wanting of one thing or another to some degree. This, however, does not need to be a bad thing; because we are always wanting of something, human beings make huge progress. We innovate, we improve, we simplify and we create.

Unfortunately, most people do not have a clear methodology when it comes to making improvements. If you go and ask someone the top thing they would like to change or improve about themselves or their lives, chances are that every person will have a difficult time narrowing it down. No one has just one thing they wish to improve — even if they do, chances are that it takes at least a dozen steps or changes that need to be made in order to achieve that one main improvement.

The best — fastest and most efficient — way to improve any area of your life is to do so one task at a time. Multitasking is very much overrated; the truth is that multitasking makes you dumber — seriously, it does. Instead of trying to wrap your brain around all the things in your life, focus on one turd at a time. Once you accomplish one change it’ll be easier to accomplish the second and even easier the fourth, fifth, etc.… Wake up and pick one thing that you will make the focus of your day. Hold onto that purpose for the whole day. Tomorrow you can reevaluate your position and decide whether you need to continue with your sole focus or if you’d be better off changing your focus for the day.

4. What Are The Tasks I Need To Complete Today?

You have personal problems and then you have problems at work, with friends or with family. Life throws us tasks that need to be completed whether or not we are prepared to tackle them. Laundry needs to be folded, floors need to be swept, kilometers need to be ran, push ups need to be pumped, friends need to be listened to, parents need to be reassured, projects need to get accomplished… The list goes on and on and on and on. Your life will never run out of things that “need” to be done. However, you only have so much time in a single day to do them — so why worry about everything when everything is not within your grasp?

If you’re like me then you have a never-ending, ever-growing to-do list. You do your best to tick off items as you go, but you are well aware that even after you spend hours taking care of the things you need to take care of, you’ll wake up tomorrow with another long list. So what can you do? There are only so many hours in a day and you can only do so much with those hours. Do what you can do and then don’t do what you can’t; no one can ever ask you for more. Many times we will come to the conclusion that a lot on our to-do list isn’t that important and we will begin to leave such tasks off the list — we’ll begin to prioritize.

The world would be better off if everyone knew how to prioritize properly. Tasks that are most important and/or that have the shortest timeframe for completion ought to be completed first — it’s common sense. Each morning, go over the 3-5 tasks that you need to complete for the day. Make sure not to overcrowd your schedule in order to avoid feeling stressed or rushed. In my opinion, the only things that are worth doing are the things that you enjoy doing. The only things that you enjoy doing are the things that you put some real time and thought into.

If you don’t have the time to produce quality results then either leave the task for when you will have time or don’t bother doing it at all. Producing half-assed results will leave you with a feeling of fulfillment. Prioritize and do so with your happiness in mind. You may end up dropping some things in order to maximize your overall happiness with life.

5. How Will I Enjoy Myself Today?

Here’s a weird one for you: wake up each morning thinking about how you will have fun, how you will enjoy your life this day and how you will be happy. You shouldn’t wake up each morning thinking about all the work that you have to put in; it will make you dread waking up, make it difficult to get out of bed and ready to shuffle off towards your office, and make you miserable within the first few breaths you take each day. What’s the point of waking up and worrying about the numbers? Worrying about all the work ahead of you? Trying to fix all the problems that you have? What will it hurt you to start your day with 15 minutes of happy, serene, positive thoughts?

How much better would everyone feel if they would wake up every day, take a big breath of air and exclaim: Let’s Have Fun!!!? Wake up each morning, force yourself to smile and think about one fun activity that you have to look forward to later that day. If you’re lucky, you’ll have a few. Do this every day for long enough and you will quickly come to the position where you have too much to look forward to and that thinking about each individual future event will make you late for work; that’s a great position to be in. That’s the position that you want to find yourself in.

We spend too much time worrying, fixing and improving. We are always looking for the next big score, the next big achievement or the next big success. We are constantly working to improve and better our situations. At what point are we allowed to sit back, take a look at where we are, who we’ve become and simply feel grateful? When do we get to enjoy ourselves without feeling like we are slacking or falling behind? I sometimes feel that the secret to success is not caring whether or not you will ever be successful. It’s not the end-goal that matters, but the journey itself. The day for you to be happy won’t come tomorrow, next week or next year. The day for you to be happy, fulfilled and joyful is today. Wake up and get ready to enjoy your life. Tomorrow is never a promise.

Are You Your Own Worst Enemy? Free Yourself From past Mistakes

Are You Your Own Worst Enemy? Free Yourself From Past Mistakes

There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative. ~ W. Clement Stone

Moving forward, freeing yourself from past mistakes and messes is a critical part of being happy.Sometimes our very thoughts and habits of action are our biggest enemies, preventing us from ever moving out of our comfortable, if miserable, slot in life.

There might not be one clear path to happiness and success that fits all, but to head for new horizons means you have to be willing to stop selling yourself short and change the state of mind that’s keeping you where you are.

My greatest challenges in changing my state of mind over the years have been inconsistency and not having proper direction. Eventually I hunted out helpful teachings and sayings that I could apply to my life on a daily basis. Just to name a few…

Keep Your Eyes Open

Many of us can speak eloquently of what we don’t want in life. We’re directionless; stumbling around in the dark, only aware of what we’re afraid of and where we don’t want to go.

Don’t let that be good enough for you. Without a destination you’re lost or stuck where you are.

Become more aware of what’s taking place within. The words you speak to yourself, the mind chatter, the beliefs that you cherish and hold so tightly will all be reflected in your outer world.

The greater awareness you bring to the process of living, creates a space for more choices.  Being aware of who you are and how you operate in life gives you the freedom to respond or react to the circumstances of your life the best way you can.

Stop trying to do it all

It isn’t possible to be in control of every aspect of life. So stop trying. Be clear on the fundamental concepts that will have the greatest impact on your quality of life and begin to master them.

Ask yourself “Does what I’m doing right now resonate with me?” There’s little point in succeeding in the things that bring no value to you or those in your sphere.

Stick with the basics and one basic that was necessary in changing my mind set was…

The gratitude habit

Gratitude is a powerful tool for me. Even when everything is going to hell in a hand-basket there’s something to be thankful for.

I discovered that regardless of how horrible things seemed to be if I could still be aware of blessings in my life…I would actually be okay.

Gratitude isn’t simply about giving thanks because you just got what you wanted. It’s a daily practice where you consistently look for the good.

Begin today to bring gratitude into your life with your every day, normal, run of the mill experiences.  Don’t wait to get what you want before you feel grateful. Become a master of gratitude and enhance your life experience.

Dont fear failure

Most of us learn to do something right by first getting it wrong.

You must use your failures and mistakes and messes to chart a new course, or tweak a good idea. Each failure or lesson learned are a necessary part of your growth, not an excuse to do nothing, to give up, or to stay stuck. That’s a route to regret.

Let nothing get in the way of your dreams. Don’t put them off because it isn’t easy, or something didn’t work out the way it was supposed to. Tomorrow never arrives.

Use each experience of joy or despair, of loves beginnings and endings as a means to tap the power within and keep moving forward.

Don't allow adversity to define you

The greatest challenge in life is to be in command of our thinking process. One place where no-one else has any power. The way you think, the way you respond has a greater potential to wreck your life than any problem you might face.

Alter the judgements you make, the way you perceive experiences and how you decide upon the primary issues in life and you’ll be in a position to become more creative in managing the effects of your previous thinking. You'll be better placed to generate improved ideas to solving.

You aren't defined by the problems in your life,  but how you handle them. Breathe a little. Fall asleep every night in the thought 'something wonderful is happening for me now'

And expect to see it. There's is spiritual power within you that's perfect. Choose to not to let adversity define but instead positively choose to define yourself in terms of your success. It's a lot more fun, feels better and makes each day something to look forward to instead of dread

Architect of your Destiny

Architects are skilled in planning, design, and oversight.  Architecture isn't just limited to the construction of buildings. For example,  often visionaries are architects of their generations.  When you look at the leaders of yesterday and today, such as Martin Luther King,  Henry Ford, Bill Gates,  Steve Jobs, and Nelson Mandela they are architects of sorts.  They planned,  designed, and oversaw huge transitions that, in many cases, redefined how we function and process reality on a daily basis.  Similarly, we can be the architects of our own lives.

Here are ways to awaken your inner architect.

1. Architects Create Vision

Vision is Key

Your vision can literally serve as your blueprint for the future. Your ability to walk into the life you crave depends on the future you see. That's because anything exceptional that you attempt is often birthed with a vision. It's the vision that inspires hope when the struggle gets too hard and calamity becomes all too familiar. That's why is important to not bankrupt your future with a limited  vision.  It's hard to move forward confidently without having a good idea of where you are going. Powerful motivator Zig Zaglar always says if you aim for nothing, you'll hit the mark every time.

The are numerous reasons for lack of vision. Sometimes it's the pain of previous failures that halts our progress. In such cases, we have to remember that missteps bring experience and provide insight; moreover, our survival is a testimony of our resilience. Other times we're blinded by compliancy with past successes. However, suppose we had stopped with with the telegram or the telephone?

Our lives have been so enriched by people who dared to see beyond present circumstances and innovations. These architects changed the future by elevating our visions. According to Seth Godin, they transform our "shared interest into a passionate goal and desire for change". Just because you are not gifted in design doesn't mean that you can't design your life.  First,  your ability to create the vision for your life necessitates your commitment to learn and look inward.

Second,  when you peer into the future, make sure that you are looking with a fresh pair of eyes and perspective. Tired eyes rarely see a bright future.

Third,  your vision for your future may benefit from some perspective of the past.  History often repeats itself, so ironically, by looking to the past, you can better anticipate the future.

Fourth, draw inspiration from what you read, hear, and feel. Then, create the plan that awakens the music inside you. Remember that prosperity and wealth are not beyond your reach.  Doing these things consistently will elevate your vision to new levels and give you a sound basis to design an authentic path for your future.

2. Architects Oversee Development

Don't die with your music still in you!

It's the architect's role to oversee the execution of the vision. Overseers know that productivity, or lack thereof, often depends on their recruiting the talent, incentivizing their participation, and providing adequate resources and direction to bring vision into fruition.
The personal application is that we must oversee our own development.  We must hold ourselves accountable for acting on our visions; otherwise, they remain pipe dreams. Often this may require enlisting the assistance of others. Perhaps you may hire a bookkeeper for a business or even your household finances to stay on track financial. Alternatively, you could engage a coach to quickly raise your performance to a much higher level. You may choose an accountability partner to call foul when your actions don't match your words.
Regardless of the steps you take, the responsibility for the product is yours. You have already been empowered, but it is what you do with that power that is key.

3. Closing Thoughts

As an architect, you can create beauty from chaos or resurrect a structure to its former glory. It's your blueprint of the future that inspires hope in the face of adversity and order during disarray. It's your seasoned insights that are relied upon to ensure the safety and progress of the project. The personal takeaway is that as the architect of your life, you have substantial power. However, with this power comes a great responsibility. It is no longer acceptable to rely on past excuses for lack of achievement. You already have the components and resources for greatness, but the key question is: are you ready to produce?

Simplify and Focus on the Essential

"Purity and simplicity are the two wings  with which man soars above the earth and all temporary nature"

Simplicity brings balance,  freedom,  and joy. When we begin to live simply and experience these benefits, we begin to ask the next question,  where else in my life can I remove distraction and simply focus on the essential? "

Based on my personal journey, my conversations, and my observations, here is a list of most important things to simplify in your life today to begin living a more balanced,  joyful lifestyle:

1. Your Possessions- Too many material possessions complicate our lives to a greater degree than we ever give them credit.  They drain our bank account, our energy,  and our attention. They keep us from the ones we love and from living a life based on our values. If you will invest the time to remove nonessential possessions from your life, you will never regret it.

2. Your Commitments- Most of us have filled our days full from beginning to end with time commitments: work, home,  kid's activities,  community events, religious endeavours,  hobbies. ....the list goes on.  When possible,  release yourself from the time commitments that are not in line with your greatest values.

3. Your Goals- Reduce the number of your goals you are intentionally striving for your life to one or two.  By reducing the number of goals that you are striving to accomplish, you will improve your focus and your success rate. Make a list of the things that you want to accomplish in your life and choose the two most important.  When you finish, add another from your list.

4. Your Negative Thoughts- Most negative emotions are completely useless. Resentment, bitterness, hate,  and jealousy have never improved the quality of life for a single human being. Take responsibility for your mind.  Forgive past hurts and replace  negative thoughts with positive ones

4. Your Debts-If debt is holding you captive,  reduce it.  Start today.  Do what you've got to do to get out from under its weight.  Find the help that you need.  Sacrifice luxury to enjoy freedom tomorrow.

6. Your Words- Use few words. Keep your speech plain and honest. Mean what you say. Avoid gossip.

7. Your Artificial ingridients- Avoid fats, refined grain, and too much sodium.  Minimizing these ingredients will improve your energy level in short-term and your health in the long-term.  Also, as much as possible, reduce your consumption of over-the-counter medicine- allow your body to heal itself naturally as opposed to building a dependency on substances.

8. Your Screen Time- Focusing your attention on television, movies, video games, technology affects your life more than you think.  Media rearranges your values. It begins to dominate your life.  And it has a profound impact on your attitude and outlook. Unfortunately, when you live in that world on a consistent basis, you don't even notice how it is impacting you.  The only way to fully appreciate it's influence in your life is to turn them off.

9. Your Connections to the World- Relationships with others are good,  but constant streams of distraction are bad.  Learn when to power off the blackberry,  log off Facebook,  or not read a text.  Focus on the important, not the urgent.  A steady flow of distractions from other people may make us feel important, needed, or wanted, but feeling important and accomplishing importance are completely different things.

10. Your Multi-Tasking- Research indicates that multi-tasking increase stress and lowers productivity.  While single-tasking is becoming a lost art,  learn it.  Handle one task at a time.  Do it well.  And when it is complete,  move to the next

Victor Mastermind Coach linked

Candy Tsamandebele- On Phalaborwa FM 105.1mhz hosted by DJ Shirley M. Arranged and brought to you by Victor Mastermind Coach

Fiks Hlungwane- Life Coach, Trainer and Consultant (Rivongo Life Coach)

Mpumelele Ndumo- Founder & Managing Director of Thutuka SA and Author ( 7 Secrets Why The Rich Own Their Homes. From Debt to Riches

Linda Yende-Motivational Speaker and Author (Wakeup Woman)

Deena Naidoo-Masterchef South Africa 2012 Winner

The Masterkey to the Power Within

" No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt 

For years I lived uneventful existence.  I wasn't happy. I wasn't unhappy either. I was just sort of stuck.

I had a good carer,  and I had great friends and a loving family. You would think that this sound too bad,  but I felt unfulfilled and unmotivated. I repeatedly lived each day like the one before.

I looked around me and saw that everybody within my own circle of friends,  relatives,  and immediate family were no different. They too seemed stuck.  They seemed unmotivated- like they were living their lives on automatic pilot.

I began to question why this was.  Why do so many people just accept this pattern as normal,  as if this is the way it is supposed to be?

I read hundreds of books on philosophy,  psychology,  spirituality and science.  I continued with this for couple of years until I gradually began to see with greater clarity. I began to wake up. Then one day,  out of the blue it just hit me,  like a ton of bricks.

The masterkey to unlock my prison door was not contained in any books I read (although they did help me somewhat and still reading). It was in ability to accept what "is" in this moment.  So I now I make that choice.

Victor has made that choice to live in the now. Here are tips to help you make that  choice too.

1. Remember that you are Powerful
Most of the time we have no idea what we are supposed to be doing,  or who we are supposed to be imitating. I say "imitate" because this is what we do: we conform to external environment.

We play roles and cover up our true selves by identifying with "things" that end up defining who we think we are. I am a doctor,  a salesperson, a project manager,  a secretary,  a lawyer;  I am sad,  happy,  lonely or miserable.  I am angry,  jealous,  afraid,  and I can't help it- it's who I am.

The truth is,  though,  we are none of those things.  They are symptoms of the sleep disease. You are more important than any label.  We are not our professions.  We are not our feelings.  We are not our circumstances.  We are not our mind.

What we are is far greater,  far superior,  far important,  and far mysterious than our conceptual mind tries to define.  We are masters,  masters of mind,  masters of body,  masters of emotions and masters of life. This is why we are far more powerful than we think we are.

2. Choose to embrace life
Let go and embrace the moment,  whether it contains an obstacle or an opportunity.  Stop fussing over trivial matters and start focusing on what is really important to you.

Don't go through life expecting things to change.  Life becomes hard and unfair when we decide to complain about things rather than trying to change ourselves.  Wake up to the truth that life is not a practice-run.

Be bold and courageous,  and make decisions that benefit your growth. Put yourself on your imaginary death-bed and realize that time stands still for no one. Start as soon as possible to make any necessary changes you may need. ( you can read one of my blog about "Starting with the end in Mind" it will help you to rise up and see that every moment counts"

Take the first step before more time gradually passes by while you stand still stagnating.  Your choice. Your life.  Your responsibility. Your power

3. Realize that you get to control your reactions
We create our outside reality by our thoughts and beliefs we maintain about life in general.  What we believe in our inner world,  we see in our outer world- not the other way around.

We all have problems,  and we are often tested by circumstances outside of our control.  Even though you may not be in control of what's going outside of you,  you most definitely can control your reaction to those situations.

If someone cuts us off in traffic or skip the queue at our local cinema or sport arena, we may feel our blood pressure begin to rise and feel the need to react in a negative manner.  We get uptight with other people's actions,  and in the end we punish ourselves for their behaviour.

We and up losing control over our own actions because of the way other people act. But we are responsible for our own actions,  regardless of how rude other people may act. If it's hard to stay cool,  remember: you are one who loses in the end,  if you lose the lesson.

4. Know that no one is be qualified
We place fa too much emphasis on other people's options about us,  often to the exclusion of our own.  This takes away from our own personal power. No matter what anybody says about you,  it doesn't hold any significance to who you truly are unless you identify or agree with them.

Stop identifying wit other people's opinions and become aware of how you see yourself.  Nobody knows you better than you do. Never accept another person's reality as your own.  Always believe that you can achieve anything you put your mind to. And most importantly,  never let another person's opinion of you affect what you believe about yourself.

5. Believe that you are more than enough
If you have to compare yourself to someone else,  let it be a person who is less fortunate,  and let it be a lesson to learn just how abundant your life truly is. It's just a matter of perspective.
You may find that you are not entirely grateful for what you possess. You may believe that you need more than you have right now to be happy.  If this is the case,  then you are absolutely right-you will need more,  and you will continue to need more.

The cycle will perpetuate as long as your mind believes it to be true.  If you focus on what you have,  and not what you lack,  you will always have enough,  because you will always be enough.

6. Love yourself
You have arrived. Everything you need is right here.  Cut out the destructions, open your eyes,  and see that you already have everything in your possession to be happy,  loved,  and fulfilled.
It's not out there. In never was out there.  It's in the same place since the day you were born.  It's just been covered up by all the external things you have identified with over the years.

Be yourself, Love yourself completely and accept everything that you are. You are beautiful,  Believe it,  and most importantly,  remind yourself often.

7. Journey Well
We know is about the journey and not the arrival.  We don't need to arrive if we accept that we are already here.
Be content with with where you are today and don't make a mistake off being happy because you are waiting for the right moment to shine.  Sometimes it takes a conscious effort to enjoy the journey.

Not everyone woke up this morning and not everyone will go to bed tonight.  Life has no guarantees.  Every minute you are living is a blessing that has to be experienced in the moment.  It's not always easy,  but it's always an option- a choice. Your choice