Managing Your Expectations Is The Key To Hapiness
From the moment we enter this world, the way we live our lives is influenced by the expectations of others.Our parents (who love us, feed us and give us a warm, safe place to sleep) expect that we will bring them a lot of joy. That’s pretty reasonable so we do things to make them proud of us. These things can range from having good manners to going to the university they never had the chance to attend.
At school we might have a teacher who sees a special talent in us and spends extra time encouraging us to develop that talent. So we make sure to do something with that talent whether it be trying out for the cross-country team or entering an art competition.
At work we might have an amazing mentor who’s spent hours of their time giving us advice and guidance. That mentor has expectations too. She might consider us her protégé and envision us following her footsteps down a particular career path.
Expectations are pretty powerful things. And often they are good things – for instance they usually force us to lift our game and perform at a higher level.But …
Find me a person who is unhappy with their life and I will show you someone living a life driven by the expectations of others.That’s the person who ends up going to university because it’s all their mum ever wanted them to do. Even though all they ever wanted to do was get an apprenticeship and pursue a trade.It’s the person for whom art is a relaxing hobby; who hates entering competitions because it really stresses them out. Yet they find themselves applying for a bunch of awards simply to please the teacher who is captivated by their talent.It’s all the people in the world who have found themselves heading down a career path that puts a smile on their mentors’ faces, but not their own.
Rachel McDonald (life coach and blog coach) highlights the major problem for all these people:Squeezing into a box of Someone Else’s Expectations almost always leaves us depleted. We suppress our (truest) desires. We dilute our potential. We seek relentlessly – searching for fulfilment, validation and that spark we’ve seen in others, and want for ourselves.
But is it selfish to ignore the expectations of others and pursue the life you want?
Let’s say you’ve just had a light-bulb moment.You’ve realised you’re unhappy because you’re living the life other people want you to live. What now? Well the next step is to tackle the voice in your head that screams SELFISH!
Kirri White, a Brisbane based life coach says:Choosing to be true to yourself and your own desires, in a world that is doing its best to make you everything but yourself, is not selfish.It actually takes a whole heap of courage! If you want to be a better human being, don’t concern yourself too much with what others have told you. Look into yourself and ask who you would be. What virtues do you feel compelled to share with the world? What do you value? What do you want to create?
Rose Wintergreen (who is also a social media coach for creatives) embodies Kirri’s advice. She decided what she wanted to share with the world and went out and did it. Rose says: I’ve tried living up to (what I thought were) other people’s expectations.I knew since primary school that I needed to make music and be an artist in some way. Yet, straight out of school, I chose ‘sensible’ pathways because I felt others believed it was irresponsible to choose to pursue anything creative (ie choosing a creative career would mean choosing to starve.) I spent years studying and working in areas I found interesting but wasn’t passionate about. I was desperately unhappy (several bouts of depression) and hard work to be around. In 2006 I made the very hard decision to switch to what I always knew I wanted to be doing. I won’t say it’s been easy, but I’ve been much more positive. I have lots more energy and am inspired and excited by life and my work. As a result, I think I am more fun to be around and I am more open, loving and generous with the people in my life (whether it be family, friends, or new contacts).
There’s no doubt we’re hard-wired to please, but when you’re showing up and living a life designed by you, you’re modelling happiness, authenticity and passion for others.So hopefully by now we’ve decided it’s not selfish to chase your dreams and live a life that makes you smile.
We all have expectations in our lives: what we want out of life and who we want to become. I believe one of the keys to happiness lies within the management of your expectations of people and circumstances. If you do not have expectations, you can never be disappointed. Often we tend to believe that the way we treat others will be the way we are treated in return. But, unfortunately, this does not always happen.You need to make sure you enter into relationships with someone who has as big of a heart as you do. If you do not, you may feel as if you are being taken advantage of or are being shortchanged. You need to find people who appreciate what you do for them and who will reciprocate these actions.
“There are two ways to be happy: improve your reality or lower your expectations.
”Having realistic expectations will allow you to accept the flaws each person has. We need to learn how to take responsibility for our own lives and our own decisions before we can expect others to do the same.One of the biggest challenges we face in life is learning to accept people for who they truly are. Once you realize that your expectations cannot change people, the better off you will be. The problem will arise when the expectations do not materialize. If you find that you are going out of your way much more than the people you surround yourself with, it may be time to find a new group of friends.“Give without expectation, accept without reservation, and love with hesitation.
”Unrealistic expectations will, can, and most often do lead to disappointment. Too many people are obsessed with finding the perfect career or the perfect spouse, and as a result become increasingly frustrated when this does not pan out.An unfortunate pitfall of having high expectations in certain circumstances is that we prevent ourselves from enjoying the experience altogether. If you feel this way in your life, you need to readjust your expectations. Do not expect things out of situations, just go into them with an open mind. This will allow you to fully immerse yourself without the pressure of living up to preconceived notions.When you have unrealistic notions for people, you place yourself at a high risk of getting disappointed and hurt. Maybe someone did let you down in certain aspects, but isn’t it inherently unfair to have these people on such a pedestal? By maintaining an accurate awareness of your own realities, you become able to determine what is truly expected from others.
“Expect the unexpected, believe in the unbelievable, and achieve the unachievable.”Such disappointment can lead to several outcomes, including trying to get this person to change and an increased anger toward the person who is causing the disappointment. This becomes problematic since the fault lies with you for putting such pressure on this person.There is a paradoxical issue when it comes to this. If you have high expectations, you can often end up disappointed, but if you don’t have these expectations, you may not try as hard as you could in order to accomplish a goal. These tendencies can turn people into perfectionists, which is far from a healthy lifestyle.
“Expectation is the root of all heartache.”Expect what you can, reach and be aware of the fact that sometimes life throws you a curve ball. Try to remain confident while maintaining positive aspirations; just remember not to make these aspirations so high that they are impractical or unreachable.Acceptance is an amazing trait that needs to be actively worked toward. When things do not work out the way we had planned, it is much more beneficial to realize that is how life works rather than becoming frustrated at the situation.
Have hope rather than expectations and you will tend not to be as disappointed.
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